I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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