I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
