best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
