tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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