You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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