my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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