I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
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I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
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BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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