you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
People with herpes should wear stickers.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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