his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
