in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
