Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
