im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
