I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
