she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
