In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize