haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
