I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just google imaged poop.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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