i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
