A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
