what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
