What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize