Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
