peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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