3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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