I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You took a bar mat shot.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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