The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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