Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
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He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
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I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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