I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize