It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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