nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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