There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
