she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Betty ford says i'm here all night
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
