i think i have two assholes
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
