So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
