I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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