dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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