i just google imaged poop.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
