I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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