Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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