he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
