She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
