i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
