this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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