apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
