Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
We need to rekindle our bromance
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
