Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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