I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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