Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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