I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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