i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
