She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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