I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
