Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
