look no pants
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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