sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
