Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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