It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
