As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
