4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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