even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you will always have a special place in my vag
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
