i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
