the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
