I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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