Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
