A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
