yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
