oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
