So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
