I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
