She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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