i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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