Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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