I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
