dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
