I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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